Herb the Battle Unicorn and Super Sidekick Card
Hi, I'm Herb the Battle Unicorn and Super Sidekick. I have exactly one purpose which is to defend the innocent against assholes and miscreants by the careful application of my super-pointy, sharp and glinty karma-corn horn.
Each Herb the Battle Unicorn card is hand drawn, inscribed and snail-mailed to the recipient of your choice. The exterior will be a unique drawing of Herb the Battle Unicorn, while the interior will feature that substance most perfectly representative of karma: glitter (sometimes referred to as the herpes of the craft world for its insidious ability to stick around for-practically-ever.).
Each card is blessed with our special herbal preparations and incantations which are devised specifically for the purification of karma, meaning that each card is precisely calibrated to the recipient by the recipient's contribution of his or her contents of character. Each Naberius Greetings card ordered will be matched by Naberius Greeting for a synergistic providence projection purge, or something like that. What this means is that your Naberius greeting will be mailed at the same time as a card made specifically for a convicted killer of our choice, increasing the awesome freaky fateness of your conjuration. This is powerful shit.
PRODUCT INFO
Herb the Battle Unicorn handmade card, mailed to the recipient of your choice along with a similar handmade card mailed to a creep of our choice. Glitter interior with optional dedication: "Dear John," for example, and optional signature: "Sincerely, Madame X," for example. Ambiguous inscriptions such as "happy birthday," and "get well," will also be considered. No threats. Herb is a karma-corn, so does nothing to anyone that the person hasn't someohow earned, so your explanations are superfluous.
RETURN & REFUND POLICY
Each card is unique. The character you wish to have on the card will be there, as will glitter. The card will be mailed to your recipient within a week of ordering. Special messages will be considered but will not include threats of any kind. Messages like "happy birthday," "happy mother's day," or any other generic sort of greeting are totally doable. We can discuss particulars by email.
SHIPPING INFO
Cards will be mailed within seven business days of receipt of payment, as will the Free Gift Synergistic Naberius Greeting Creep Card.