Free Creep Card

When you order a Naberius Greeting, we send a free Creep Card to a convicted murder of our choice for extra-synergystic, deep-cleaning, karmic action. These cards are mailed to a creep of our choice, but if you have a request as to which character you'd like sent, please advise. 
 
Each Creep Card is hand drawn, inscribed and snail-mailed to the recipient of our choice. The exterior will be a unique drawing of one of our characters, while the interior will feature that substance most perfectly representative of karma: glitter. Unless the prison system prohibits glitter, which it does, but the card will work fine, nevertheless. Okay, also we can't mail glitter to politicians either because they are paranoid about people poisoning them by mail. Go figure. This has lead to the perfection of our patented glitter potentizing technology, which promises to blast karmic clogs as well as the regular craft store variety. 
 
Each card is blessed with our special herbal preparations and incantations which are devised specifically for the purification of karma, meaning that each card is precisely calibrated to the recipient by the recipient's contribution of his or her contents of character. Each Naberius Greetings card ordered will be matched by Naberius Greeting for a synergistic providence projection purge, or something like that. What this means is that your Naberius greeting will be mailed at the same time as a card made specifically for a convicted killer of our choice, increasing the awesome freaky fateness of your conjuration. This is powerful shit.