Chuey the Chupababra

Chuey was rescued by the Wicked Witch of Walla Walla when he was transformed by hex from a performance artist specializing in bodily fluids as they reference the hegemony of the dominant gaze and its various color and sound and emotional representations and gas, etc., to the disgusting and dangerous creature known as "Chupacabra", or "goat sucker." His appetites are in no way limited to goats. Getting a Chuey card can really suck. The life out of a person's life. 
 
Each Chuey the Chupacabra card is hand drawn, inscribed and snail-mailed to the recipient of your choice. The exterior will be a unique drawing of Chuey, while the interior will feature that substance most perfectly representative of karma: glitter (sometimes referred to as the herpes of the craft world for its insidious ability to stick around for-practically-ever.). Each card is blessed with our special herbal preparations and incantations which are devised specifically for the purification of karma, meaning that each card is precisely calibrated to the recipient by the recipient's contribution of his or her contents of character. Each Naberius Greetings card ordered will be matched by Naberius Greeting for a synergistic providence projection purge, or something like that. What this means is that your Naberius greeting will be mailed at the same time as a card made specifically for a convicted killer of our choice, increasing the awesome freaky fateness of your conjuration. This is powerful shit.